U.S. warns UAE for being just a bit too full of itself

The Chicago Dope has posted a pretty funny satire piece on its site;

"The United States issued a warning to the United Arab Emirates on Thursday for what it called “provocative self-confidence”.

According to the U.S. State Department, the tiny Persian Gulf kingdom, left unscathed by recent turmoil in the Middle East, “is looking a little too comfortable given the state of the world.” The UAE has been recently designated by the U.S. State Department as a “pompously rogue nation”, refusing to succumb to instability like the rest of the region and is accused of inciting feelings of inferiority among its neighbors.

Both the United States and the United Nations have each condemned the UAE’s excessive use of political calm along with its defiant flaunting of economic strength and high per capita income.

...
On Wednesday, Emirati Vice President Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid al-Maktoum further increased regional tensions by announcing a $1.5 billion investment in electricity and water infrastructure projects in the underdeveloped areas of the northern emirates. This prompted the administration to again respond with strong condemnation.

“This type of provocation is not productive and only leads to heightened levels of envy and resentment in the Persian Gulf region,” Carney said.

According to the White House, the United States is considering seeking a UN resolution designed to point out the many faults and lingering insecurities that the UAE likely has, but won’t admit to, internationally.

-- more here: The Chicago Dope: U.S. warns UAE for being just a bit too full of itself

Make sure to check out the comments section where more than a few people from the UAE have failed to understand that the piece is satire.

Here are some choice comments:

"LOOL.. US never fails to LOL me.. but this time its beyond red line..

i don’t know about the newspaper that spread this out.. but i believe that an apology is required to UAE for all this shit.."

"I searched the white house website and googled the hell out of Clinton and Jay Carney and did not find the statements published above! except in this website.

I doubt that Clinton and the white house will issue such stupid statements. The last statement on the white house website was thanking the UAE for its help in Libya.

Well.. if it is true.. then it is apparent that US is the one who envies the UAE. Or they want something from the UAE and they want to apply pressure on it using such statements.

It is bizarre and the double standards from US are true. If the UAE is starving its people the US will condemn it…. If the UAE is spending money on infrastructure and people are wealthy US will also condemn!!!!! "

"What seems to be the problem here? Is it that the UAE is still able to invest in infrastructure? (btw, not that we need to justify it, it was a MUST to invest in electricity and water infrastructure projects in the northern emirates, it wasn’t a luxurious plan.

Or is it that other countries in the region are having major problems? or that life in UAE is calm and both locals and expats working here are happy?

...

Btw, I won’t send the link to any of my friends, i don’t believe in FREE advertising :p

"Fuck off usa"

"I find it beyond ridiculous that you , U.S , stick your butts into other countries’ business !! You have a WHOLE NATION who is CORRUPTED in ALL sorts of way that need your ” Consideration”. You desperate interference only make us realize how fortunate of a country/citizens we are !

P.S , a piece of advice , get your facts right !!!"

"The only country that is full itself is america,, so what if we spend 1.5 billion on infrastructure projects???
The UAE is a small country but it gives to charity every year more than the US ever will..
Who died and made america the leader of the world??
They seem to stick theire nose in everything"

There is a thread on a certain UAE forum that seems to point at the website as factual too as well as a post on banatzayed.com with even more absurd comments

Bash-a-builder

Fellow blogger and Inginirr Dubai Jazz writes with barely concealed glee about building contractors in Bahrain protesting the new rule allowing workers to change sponsors (employers) freely. Builder Nick the Prick responds:

How original. One day it’s Dubai bashing, the next it’s contractor bashing. If I were English I’d actually enjoy all that spanking but I’m not (English).

I tell you all what. It's a f***ing stupid idea, this free labour thing and I hope it never comes to Dubai.

It's only going to hurt the workers. They'll be confused with all this freedom. You see, they are not used to this. Back home, as I remind them every so often, they are not allowed to even cross the shadow of a higher caste villager. Here, they can run around freely on the building sites, crossing their shadows as much as they like. And there’s lots of shadows because I let them always out in the sun! From their benchmark of absolute disenfranchisement this represents almost a 100% forward projected improvement on my progress chart. And we as company stakeholders are proud of this achievement. Even the guy with the red flag on his stake.

I even shook hands with one of them, once. The man smiled like he’d won a million dollars. I had to wash my hand afterwards but I did it discreetly, with Johnson’s Antibacterial Handwash. I don’t want to offend anyone’s feelings after all.

I'd actually think it's a good idea to shackle our labourers together like chain gangs with one end of the chain tied to the Tata coach. That way they don't get lost in the Dubai concrete jungle. You know, they are simple souls fresh down from the coconut trees. We are responsible for their welfare after all, but how are we supposed to do that if they nillywilly jump employers for a lousy 7 Dirhams more per month? What has the world come to when employee loyalty goes down the drain for 7 Dirhams?! And we haven’t even built that drain yet in their labour camp.

Anyone ever considers our feelings as builders? Huh? HUH?

There, I got myself an idea. We’ll just deduct the 7 Dirhams from their pay in advance in case they jump ship.
That’ll teach them ingrate, smiling, shadow crossing, employer jumping ba$*&%$***ds.


*SATIRE ALERT*SATIRE ALERT*SATIRE ALERT*

Pens For Hire

The Bright Side of Dubai

Johann Fairy of The Dependent *) reports Only The Good News!

'The Dependent' is a new publication in Dubai. It may be government owned but maybe not. This is not your business. Don't ask disparaging questions. Its mission is to fearlessly counter-report really totally unfair bad news about Dubai (which are not true anyway) and will rectify and undo slanderous attacks aimed at Dubai’s irreproachable image perpetrated by ingrate expatriate bastards who should leave if they don’t like it here.
It will be circulated freely and all residents are invited by law to read it over morning coffee smiling, whilst rubbing their ID cards on their chests three times. If you don’t have ID card you go jail.

Read the Good News here now or else.

American Dreamz - brilliantly funny

I wouldn't normally plug a film here, but American Dreamz (2006) is one of the funniest, cleverest satires of the Bush administration/war in Iraq you will see. Dennis Quaid is amazing as a cretinous George W Bush figure (he's eerily similar looking - especially the dumb-frown facial expression) and the scenes set in "Eye-raq"/Afghanistan are also very amusing. It's a black comedy so pretty much every side gets sent up: the US president, his advisors, the US army, terrorists, the American public and reality show contestants. And it's already out on DVD.

A clip of scene sending up American military policy is here.




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