Fatima contacted the BBC World Service citizen journalism project, Your Story, because she wanted to share her experiences of sexual abuse growing up within a strict Muslim family in Abu Dhabi.She became a photographer. See an audio slideshow by following the link.
She suffered many years of abuse before she finally told her mother what had been going on.
Fatima is now 26. She lives in the United States of America where she has just been given asylum and citizenship after establishing that she would be in danger if she returned to her home country.
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I have listened to the victims voice and the pain she still feels is so very obvious, her voice still quivers in fear.
Unfortunately this is not an isolated case, two weeks ago we were horrified with the Austrian situation, so to blame one country or culture is wrong.
I believe the great difficulty is presented by the strength of loyalty to the family unit, and belief in the famiy as a trusted unit.
Alas those nearest and dearest, too often prove themselves untrustworthy!
Mr. Bumfrey:
I appreciated reading your comment with the exception of 'so to blame one country or culture is wrong'. I don't know how you arrived at this conclusion?
Moreover, I don't think anyone is finger pointing any specific country or culture in this post unless I'm missing something? And if anyone were, then it's blatantly wrong in doing so.
Ah, the Josef Fritzl case. That's one for the history books.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7968452.stm
Echo!!!!!!!!!
I agree, Rupert -- to blame one country or culture is wrong.
The other side of the coin is that culture is a factor, and that means introspection by those in the culture is called for.
The guy in Austria was eventually brought to justice, although we can be sure that there are many others there and in the US where the family is complicit in keeping dark family secrets.
This is a very sad story. I can't imagine the pain she had to go through.
On the other hand, to blame the whole thing on Islam would be a mistake, female (and male) rape victims all over the world find it difficult to report to police or to press charges. Or indeed, to tell anybody about it.
Most rapes and sexual assaults against females were not reported to the police.
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/rsarp00.pdf
That's in the united states, the country she'd run away to.
However, in this part of the world the problem is combined by the threats of honor killing. I don't have stats about the UAE and haven't heard of any incidents here. But it does happen in places like Jordan or Syria.
I feel very sorry for her; this is heartbreaking.
To me, she is a double victim.
First of all, she is a victim of sexual abuse.
Second and not less important, she is a victim because she was made to think that what she has endured is closely related to her being part of a Muslim family.
Her narration clearly shows that she blames her Muslim family and Muslim society, which should not be the case. Such cases of abuse are the result of ignorance and evilness regardless of where they occur or by whom.
I really feel sorry that her experience deprived from her love and respect to the most accurate and yet most misunderstood social system ever.
Thanks for the post.
I agree - sexual abuse is not limited, nor should it be pinned on any particular culture, country or religion.
But in very close-knit and conservative societies where any deviation from a sense of purity, or things that bring dishonor, regardless of who committed the crime or who the victim is, things get shushed up and the poor victim gets no help or is punished for something she/he did not cause.
Sorry John but I cannot agree with you:
"The other side of the coin is that culture is a factor, and that means introspection by those in the culture is called for."
So Belgium, Austria, and today Germany, have shown what form of culture?
Next you may suggest the polygamous sects of USA, remember the horror stories there, ignored Big Mac culture and were exceptions!
Please admit this is a psyche matter, not a cultural matter.
ps:
I see this dialogue as seemingly reasonable, possibly the participants are?
Seriously though, I do get so frustrated when the "red necks" and the "checkered table cloths" get so abusive to one another.
But there again I do wonder why any blog has to moderate comments, when the majority will stand up and show reality, I HOPE!
Dubai Jazz: You are right to point to US statistics showing that most rapes are not reported, and I'd conjecture this even more so when the father or step father is the rapist.
On the other hand, isn't it telling that the UAE doesn't keep statistics.
I'm glad you brought up the subject of honor killings. That, fortunately, does not seem to occur in the UAE. But girls who are raped do, I think, end up being punished as unmarriageble. That's very sad. Punishing the victim.
Oh wah wah wah. She's depressed? She should see my therapist bills and fridge of meds then we'll talk about depression, childhood issues, and the like.
Bad shit happens to everyone, everywhere, and for every reason. Usually bad things happen to people who deserve it. Sometimes not, but chances are, if you dig deep enough.
If she really wanted help, she could have gotten it, if she really despised the guy, she could have stabbed him, Simple.
And no, I'm not over simplifying anything It really is that simple.
But girls who are raped do, I think, end up being punished as unmarriageble. That's very sad. Punishing the victim.
How are they "punished?" Or does a man not have the choice now in who he marries now? Truth is most men dont want to handle the baggage (as this girl has) of a rape victim.
Hell, I can list a whole lot that i would not marry into, Rape, eating disorders, depression...
If I'm looking for a step in life that supposedly is "better" and makes my life "easier" (from being single) I dont want a whack job.
No, it's not the girl's fault (unless she was asking for it, and come now, some just do) but the emotional baggage that comes with rape is not something I, or most men, would never gladly marry into.
So how are the punished?
A man has a choice to ask or not, if he chooses not to, that is a punishment? Or should we now run around forcing men to marry women, raped, divorced... clinically insane. Whatever.
It's kind of like a girl being fat, or ugly. less of a chance that a guy's going to come knocking. Or should guys not have preferences and be forced to marry the fad ugly chick now as well?
Just like it was pointed out earlier, abuse should never be attributed to a certain culture ot religion
But unfortunately the western media loves doing that
wether it was the Rania Al Baz/Oprah case or this one...
creeps,sickos and wierdos are everywhere
and in most of the cases women don't report their abuse for the fear and confusion of what just happened is far bigger than any one could understand...
if reported, she could've found justice but the society would sure have stigmatized her...
But what everyone has to know
is that there is something called
devine retribution
and everyone will get what they deserve...Eventually
Human rights.............my ass
They better call it Criminal rights and be done with it.
Actually, Children are even easier targets! and maybe sheep even easier than that!
How the hell did you get "women should just stay barricaded indoors" from what I said?
Sometimes I am truly frightened at the flow of some people's comprehension from point A to B in a paragraph.
This is sick not new.
Shes being punished as a victim yes i agree.I dont have a problem for men not wanting to marry her. That is there choice,u should not be forced into carrying baggage.I chose not to marry a bipolar man,,it doesnt change the reality that she is being punished for someone elses mistake.
ABIT:didnt u mention a fiance or wife somewhere whom you "adore"? How are u going to deal with her if she becomes depressed or the like? She is there with your "fridge of meds" Is this the generation of recruited love or WHAT????!! Im expecting her to be beautiful and perfect with such high standards of urs...........
I understand all ppl in here except ABIT :D
well, I don't believe the story, I think it's made up by smeone, it's all nonesnese, sorry !
Im expecting her to be beautiful and perfect with such high standards of urs...........
...............................
lmao ! may be she is Angelina Jolie! may be :D
Anonymous said...
well, I don't believe the story, I think it's made up by smeone, it's all nonesnese, sorry !
I dont think it's "made up" but I have seen 1st hand Emarati girls cry wolf on their drivers (someone in my family did this) and at random guys in malls (A co worker did this once and bragged about it the next day)
So I am skeptical of things unless they are proven. A voice on the internet? no.
And as I stated. Usually, when bad things happen, the "victims" deserve it, directly or not.
Now, in the few cases where victims (of rape or any abuse) do not deserve it, That is indeed a sad case, and people like the one who cry wolf should be ashamed because it DOES make it harder for the real victims to report it. Sexual abuse is already hard enough to deal with, come to terms with, and get the mental hold to report without people who are bored, hurt, annoyed... making things up.
ABIT:didnt u mention a fiance or wife somewhere whom you "adore"? How are u going to deal with her if she becomes depressed or the like? She is there with your "fridge of meds" Is this the generation of recruited love or WHAT????!! Im expecting her to be beautiful and perfect with such high standards of urs...........
My case is a bit different. We actually go to the therapist together every week. I am a diagnosed case of bipolar, and so is she. She also has an eating disorder and so do I. We are so much alike its weird, but it's also very detractive. as you can imagine.
But someone who doesnt have these issues. And If I didnt have them, I wouldnt marry into it. No way in hell. The times I've been in bed bleeding from self inflicted wounds and not even realizing it. Not fun for someone who is "normal."
I didnt mean to say no man should marry into this. Just that no man, sane anyways, would. And I say that as a man. I just asked my fiance, and she agreed, she said one of her sisters for example could NEVER handle a man with my issues. So it does work both ways. After all, a woman has a right to refused a suitor. And a guy who was molested or has issues... That is a valid reason to refuse someone.
I was just speaking from a guy's point of view.
Anonymous said...
I understand all ppl in here except ABIT :D
It's ok, I dont understand myself sometimes. I just know that I'm right. :-P
ABIT: Truth is most men dont want to handle the baggage (as this girl has) of a rape victim.
frankly dude, a man who doesnt have strength enough should hardly go around calling himself a man.
and a woman who has suffered this trauma deserves someone strong enough to pull her along, out of that mindset of fear, insecurity and vulnerability.
and there are men out there who can deliver that strength, compassion and understanding. (at least im hoping).
a real man:
1) doesn't consider his honor to belong or reside between the legs of a woman (in reference to honor killings)
2)doesn't dump the women he cares about in his life because they are a victim of something they had no control of.
3)does not abuse or molest women in general, and especially his own: mother, sister, wife, daughter, women under his protection - even boys under his protection.
4) stands up, protects, and seeks justice for women who are abused, even if it means 'perceived' shame on the family.
those who can't do the above are not men. they are cowards, bullies and animals, depending on the combination.
Media Junkie, well said !
Is there no end to such revelations?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7970414.stm
ABIT: thank u for explaining.
I found it strange considering ur own issues - now its strange in a bitter sweet way. The best to both of u..is not easy to find someone who will take the whole of u the worst of u.
Media Junkie said...
a real man:
1) doesn't consider his honor to belong or reside between the legs of a woman (in reference to honor killings)
2)doesn't dump the women he cares about in his life because they are a victim of something they had no control of.
3)does not abuse or molest women in general, and especially his own: mother, sister, wife, daughter, women under his protection - even boys under his protection.
4) stands up, protects, and seeks justice for women who are abused, even if it means 'perceived' shame on the family.
those who can't do the above are not men. they are cowards, bullies and animals, depending on the combination.
And you base this on the fact that you have been a man for how long?
Thought so.
media junkie: a man can be against rape and still not want to marry a raped woman not because she is no good but he cant supply her with what she needs.the baggage might be too much for him.I said before i did not marry a bipolar man but i look up to women who can do that.it takes a lot. If the man marries the raped woman for obligation because society says he should,he will be broken and resentful at the end,it will cause any good at the end.
@anon:
a man shouldn't be forced to marry someone he doesn't like, and neither should a woman. what i mean is a man changing his mind after women already in his life have been affected.
@ABiT (28 March, 2009 23:59),generally when I see your name attached to a post, I smile, now no more, following your opening up.
I am very impressed with your candour and explains quite a lot!
Not denying the horror of the abuse the lass went through, but let's call a cat by its name, shall we?
Anti-Islam propaganda.
A well-twisted story by the media. I'm betting that she read from a script doctored by the BBC.
For starters, a few contradictions in the story: claims to have been trapped indoors, yet she was taking pics outside and she traveled alone to the US...
Do I look stupid?
Yawn.
Next.
"Even in this tragic story one can find solace"
http://www.thenational.ae/article/20090406/OPINION/85107813/1080
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