31 May, 2006

new religion

Any woman who is also a mother will tell you, that grocery shopping (esp @ C4) is like an event at the Olympics.
Therefore when you finally make it to the payment counter and see your things smoothly rolling down the belt; you know the distance to the plastic bag and home is not far.
But then suddenly an item is scanned and it does not create the correct beep. (btw if a "beep" is used to delete out every swear word - then how often does that machine swear?).
The cashier looks at you in that almost challenging way, as if to say, "what are you going to do now lady? You know will have to leave it behind, as no one will get the code, and if you insist, and I call the supervisor you know that could take a looooong time".
So you do the mental math and calculate where else you can buy it, how much more it will cost and so much more of your time will be wasted .
Then just as you are about to manoeuver your trolley to the exit, which is somehow functioning like a cycle rickshaw(ie on 3 wheels). Right then from your peripheral vision you see "IT" coming.
The ZOMBIES armed with their cheap Biro and clipboard.
You try to escape but all in vain.
"Hello Madam. Im conducting a survey on credit cards", IT says to you.
You try to gaze into the $ shaped pupils but see no sign of life.
Heres what I said today," I am sorry I cannot help you, my religion does not permit me to utilise credit cards. I am a CREMOSA'S WITNESS, and wives number 3 and 5 are not allowed credit cards. I am wife number 3." Make some cracked up greeting and WALK AWAY.
Do not LOOK BACK.
Welcome to the suburban housewife's repartee.

10 comments:

trailingspouse said...

My brother-in-law used to tell Jehovah's Witnesses that he wasn't interested in their spiel because he was a Corrugated Ironist.

Grumpy Goat said...

I usually told them I was an Orthodox Hedonist.

Tainted Female said...

LOL! I’ve yet to be stalked by one of these survey takers Kaya… and I’m GLAD, because you’re right… Shopping is a nightmare (especially if you realize to get everything you want means you MUST go to three of for different places because not all of them seem to carry the same things)!

kaya said...

LMAO!
Corrugated Ironist?
Orthodox Hedonist!! Oh I Love them both.
And the worst is when it says 7.95 but when they scan it its 17.85. i mean what kind of price is 85 fils? You are not going to get back anything there.
I justify myself by munching crisps right under the security guard's nose.

bandicoot said...

Just out of curiosity, I googled “cremosa” and found on the first page these rather interesting results:
1- Cremosa as candy: Chupa Chp Cremosa – artificially flavored strawberries & cream lollipops…
2- Cremosa as beverage: Same as an Italian soda plus some cream…
3- Cremosa as cheese: Aged Provolone from Di Bruno’s Bros.’s house of cheeses…
4- Cremosa as cigars: Cubana Churchill – Bundle of of 25 cigars….

These are like 4 religions with the same name; or perhaps four denominations within Kaya’s cult of choice…I wonder which one she belongs to?

kaya said...

@ Bandicoot.
Wow! My own religion and they have been hiding so many things from me.
But thats probably because I am wife no 3, and do not have access to the higher realms ogf worship.
I am at the candy stage.

bandicoot said...

I'll convert and become a devout Cremosaian if I'm allowed to go straight to the cigar stage...(in addition to other obvious advantages)!

Anonymous said...

My favorite part of the Carrefour adventure is when they seal every god forsaken bag that is even open 1 millimeter closed with that handy danding sealer machine! I'm always thinkin that security guy that's doin that is probably like thinking "I'm supposed to be risking my life as a SECURITY GUARD, not risking my life using the SCORCHING HOT SEALER! LMAO! Do you think there's ever been a finger sealed to the bag accidentally?? I usually ask for double sealing, so they can be sure I'm not slipping 2 dhm socks or underwear into my bags! LOVE THE CARREFOUR TRIPS! NOT!!

Anonymous said...

sob! sob!

Beer Glasses said...

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