07 September, 2006

The Story of Two Cows

DUBAI SYSTEM:

You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all the magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit and shady investors who hope to resale the nonexistent milk for a 100% profit in two years time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cow first to attract attention.

QATAR SYSTEM:

You have two cows. They've been sitting there for decades and no one realized that cows could produce milk. You see what Dubai is doing; you go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cows in the shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in the first place.

SAUDI SYSTEM:

Since milking the cow involves nipples the Gov't decides to ban all cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow on one side of a curtain and a guy milking the cow on the other or to hire females and train them to milk the cows ... the debate is still going on.

BAHRAIN SYSTEM:

You have two cows. Some high Gov't official steals one, milks it, sells the milk and pockets the profit. The Gov't tells you that there is just one cow and not enough milk for the people. The people riot and scream death to the Gov't and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for 11 month, decides to employ ten Bahrainis to all milk the cow at the same time and so cutting back on unemployment.

LEBANON SYSTEM:

You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled by Hizbollah.

EGYPTIAN SYSTEM:

You have two cows. Both are voting for Mobarak!

AMERICAN SYSTEM:

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

FRENCH SYSTEM:

You have two cows. You go on strike because you wanted three cows.

RUSSIAN SYSTEM:

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

BRITISH SYSTEM:

You have two cows. Both are mad.

AUSTRALIAN SYSTEM:

You have two cows. You give one to the Americans and one to the British and you go back to shagging sheep!

12 comments:

clayfuture said...

This is hilarious! Great! I especially like the Egyptian one!

de tang said...

Er....possible elaboration on the Dubai one...?

In Dubai you have 2 cows. They are the biggest in the world. Or at least, they will be when they get here. For the moment, we have massive glossy brochures with computer generated 3D simulations of the cows, their surroundings, "cow city" with its canals, condominiums and monorails; every major highway is plastered with advertising for the cows, which will be "coming up" on your right.

Bookings to own shares in the cows will be opened up, with the issue being sold out in two and a half minutes and oversubscribed 500,000 times. The shares will be selling at four times the price two weeks later, meanwhile the final designs for the cows have been changed and they will now be even bigger than originally planned so that they won't be upstaged by the cows Taiwan was planning to get. Meanwhile, roads have been dug up all over the city to prepare the facilities for the cows. Stop whining and put up with the inconvenience...just think of all the milk you'll be drinking in two years time, when the cows actually arrive...

moryarti said...

this has been floating around for a while now ..

still funny though

Doubleletter said...

:))))))))))

Gotta love the Russian and Australian systems :D

Anonymous said...

May i suggest mentioning that this blog entry (and others like it) has been copied and pasted here from an email. Not everyone knows this stuff has been circulating the web for months now!

CO Jones said...

It is a Kiwi who finds the sheep delightful. Not the fair dinkum Aussie.

Lirun said...

Israeli system

you have 2 cows.. you find the person who gave them to you - concisely explain their error and ask for a cash cheque instead..

Anonymous said...

this is boring.....it has been circulated since months...

Kiwi Boy said...

Hey, this is hilarious! I'm putting this up on my journal, if you don't mind.. with an innovation:

ISRAELI SYSTEM

You have two cows. You capture two more from the Palestinians and keep the captured ones behind a security fence. Meanwhile, Bibi Netanyahu claims rights over all cows, so Hamas fires Kassam rockets at the original two cows.

Anonymous said...

Yemen:

You had two cows, but they were kidnapped.

Anonymous said...

Permit me to add the Pakistani System:

You have 5 cows.

- 2 Cows are fighting each other in Pakistan
- 1 Cow is fighting in Kashimir
- 1 Cow is braying from a pulpit while it milks the masses
- 1 Cow is relating the story of the other 4 cows.

:P

[MOOO !]

Anonymous said...

Permit me to add the Pakistani System:

You have 5 cows.

- 2 Cows are fighting each other in Pakistan
- 1 Cow is fighting in Kashimir
- 1 Cow is braying from a pulpit while it milks the masses
- 1 Cow is relating the story of the other 4 cows.

:P

[MOOO !]

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